Day 8

Today I would like to investigate more the personality of me …,playing the superwomen…,so its another side of the coin of  a victim personality.Polarity in full exposure…the inferiority and superiority of mind game,my game...

  Many times in my life ,I see the point ,were I just want to be at service  of somebody….I mean its okay to help someone ……and treat somebody the way you want to be treated …..,but I see, I do this in the way ,were I totally  compromise me and my physical reality.I want to experience this energy of acceptance ,of good feelings and have this positive feed back from others that I don't care about me.The ironic of this is that I really rarely receive  this recognition…….,and  even when I do , it is mostly from people I expect the least.

   But ,still this is based on positive feelings …,about me accepting me ,because I make different  in somebody life if I am of help to them.

I see that personality I have from my childhood ( when I wanted  to be notice ,and wanted  to be good and perfect from a perspective of society -my parents,teachers).

I see how I compromise myself so far and so deep ,that is really 

  hard to figure out what is me or not???.

   

So,this is a self forgiveness :

1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to want to please people.

2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself caring this addiction to energy of feeling good about myself ,from my childhood , with making my life ,my body compromise to the edge.

3.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be scare of consequences ,to allowed my fear to direct me ,when I wan't be of help to others.

4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself building all my life around helping others,to make this point so important ,especially to people I am close ,that I do not see how much I compromise  my body in acting this way.

5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to look up for benefits ,because I am helping other people ,benefits in a form that they will think about me nice ,they will have good opinion about me,and this way I can be accepted.

6.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to experience the anger ,because I am acting towards others , not from a  perspective that I really wanted ,but from a perspective of looking for approval  from others…,approval from others …,because I do not approve myself,because I see in me some points sooo bad ,that I think at least if somebody else approve me ,the things in me ,which I perceive  bad,will be less bad. 

7.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to aways look for  approval from others,especially form from my childhood,especially looking for approval from my mother,never actually stop ,but building so much energy about that ,energy were I wanted to be good girl,…but in another hand building anger ,because I totally give up on myself.

8.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,never stop with this behavior ,but continue all my life ,resisting life and living ,because I had to abdicate me, in order to be in this word,never investigate that this is me doing thinks towards me ,not anybody else ,that the choice was always with me.

9.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself always asking for attention from others ,never understanding or stopping and asking why do i do this ?

why do i drive my physical body to the edge ?

why do i think that this energy is so important  ,that is almost equal with life?…which is only illusion,illusion I created in my mind .

10.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,being the force ,to push me ,to compromise my physical body,and even seeing the consequences in my physical body ,never stop it.

11.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself feeling guilt, if I could not match the expectation  from other people ,being angry at my body that is so slowly, and can not match my mind ,perceiving my body less that my mind,…..,which is absurd ,from a point of what is real ,because the physical body is real and support me unconditional ,no matter what.

12.I commit myself to stop participation with this behavior ,to breath and move with my physical body.

13.I commit myself to, a minute I feel or see this driving forces ,to help somebody, to stop ,breath and see from a point of common sense to everybody,to act because of support to everybody equal including me.

14.I commit myself to slow down ,to move slowly in physical reality ,slowly from a point of being ,aware of my thoughts and action.

           Thank You for reading!!